hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
