do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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