I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
