making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
