I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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