I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's never too late to be topless.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
