I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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