I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
