every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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