I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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