"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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