i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
