So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
