in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
