Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
