My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
