I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
