I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I need to sanitize my soul.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
