I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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