The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
