I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
