Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
