I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
