Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
