Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
