this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
