I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
