So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
