I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
