I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
