literally had 100 drinks last night.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
