So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
