it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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