you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
