What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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