no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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