Midget sex pt 2 tonight
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
