so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
