This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
