i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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