i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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