i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
