i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
