areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
