come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
