I have demons in me.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
