Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
