He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
