I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
