I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
