if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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