true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
