think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
