If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
