Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
