She's like a pop up book from hell.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
