he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
