I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
