You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
