I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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