I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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