His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
