two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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