it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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